


Dumb Bitch Disease Support Group

by ImagineDragonflys



Category: The Magicians (TV)
Genre: F/F, Group Chat Fic, M/M, Texting, idk i wanted to do a group chat fic, im just gonna apologize now, its dumb, there will be more ships if i make more, this is like pre-fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-19
Updated: 2019-03-19
Packaged: 2019-11-24 12:13:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18165044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImagineDragonflys/pseuds/ImagineDragonflys
Summary: group-chat fanfic with a quasi-plot. will probably become more crack as it continues.In a group full of dumbasses, one dumbass will rise above the rest to achieve their rightful place as King Dumbass. And that dumbass was Eliot Waugh.





	Dumb Bitch Disease Support Group

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is my first The Magicians fic and my first group chat fic so... good luck!  
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Usernames:  
> Quentin- sadlittlenerd  
> Eliot- bitchboy  
> Julia- Best  
> Kady- Bitches  
> Margo- kingbitch  
> Penny- shutupquentin  
> Alice- Alice  
> Josh- bongwater69  
> Fen- knifewife

Dumb Bitch Disease Support Group (10:32 pm)

bitchboy: margo change my name back  
kingbitch: i don’t know what you’re talking about that’s always been your name  
bitchboy: margo :(  
kingbitch: you know what you did  
Best: what did Eliot do??  
kingbitch: he’s really living up to the groupchat name  
Best: ????  
bitchboy: margo :((((  
bitchboy: you know i have one (1) braincell  
kingbitch: honey  
kingbitch: you know that’s not true  
kingbitch: you have zero (0) brain cells  
Best: what did he??  
Bitches: Are we really surprised? It’s Eliot.  
bitchboy: oh lovely  
bitchboy: more people to cyberbully me  
Best: WILL SOMEONE EXPLAIN  
bitchboy: no  
kingbitch: yes  
bitchboy: lets not  
kingbitch: oh let’s  
kingbitch: our dear eliot is an idiot  
Bitches: we are aware  
kingbitch: like a whole idiot  
kingbitch: this dumb bitch  
bitchboy: margo….  
kingbitch: rejected out dear q  
Best: he did WHAT  
bitchboy: oh no  
kingbitch: and i had to find this out from q  
kingbitch: my BEST friend didn’t even tell me about this dumbassery himself  
Best: ELIOT  
Bitches: Oh he’s gonna die die  
bitchboy: look….  
bitchboy: you dont have all the facts  
Bitches: Which are?  
bitchboy: i am incapable of making good decisions  
Best: no shit  
bitchboy: can we just look past my dumbassery for one second and consider  
bitchboy: there are too many bitches in this groupchat  
kingbitch: excuse me bitch?  
bitchboy: i MEAN too many people with bitch in their screenname  
bitchboy: my one brain cell cant keep track  
Bitches: *Zero brain cells  
bitchboy: right  
kingbitch: ......  
kingbitch: fine

_kingbitch_ changed _bitchboy_ ’s name to _dumbass_

dumbass: i dont know what i expected  
kingbitch: you’re still a bitchboy  
dumbass: ….. julia hasn’t said anything in a minute  
Bitches: :)  
dumbass: [gay fear]  
kingbitch: anyways  
kingbitch: everyone tell eliot he’s an idiot  
Bitches: you’re an idiot  
Best: you’re an idiot  
shutupquentin: you’re an idiot  
Alice: You’re an idiot.  
bongwater69: youre an idtio  
dumbass: i’m an idiot  
dumbass: look i Know  
dumbass: and wow thanks everyone for showing up just to bully me  
dumbass: can we not air my dirty laundry on a public forum?  
kingbitch: uhhh no. you forfeit that right when you hurt our little nerd and didn’t tell me about it.  
kingbitch: and i haven’t even kicked your ass yet  
bongwater69: i think julias gto that covred  
shutupquentin: I’m with Eliot  
kingbitch: ????????  
Bitches: Excuse me.  
shutupquentin: I just mean- I don’t want to be involved in this  
shutupquentin: So this doesn’t need to a group discussion  
shutupquentin: But for the record  
shutupquentin: Eliot, you fucked up

_shutupquentin_ has left the chat

dumbass: you know what  
dumbass: thats fair  
dumbass: look if youre gonna yell at me do it to my face  
Bitches: Funny you should say that....  
dumbass: whats that supposed to  
kingbitch: oh he’s dead  
bongwater69: f  
Alice: What happened?  
Bitches: Julia killed him  
Alice: Tragic.  
knifewife: Did she really kill him??? [knife emoji]  
kingbitch: unknown  
Alice: I doubt she really killed him, Fen.  
Bitches: Don’t be so sure  
Bitches: She seemed pretty pissed when she left  
bongwater69: ill strat planning the funral  
knifewife: Poor Eliot [crying emoji]  
kingbitch: oh honey no  
kingbitch: he deserves this  
knifewife: Why??  
kingbitch: scroll up babe.  
knifewife: Oh. [angry emoji]  
knifewife: Why would he do that???  
kingbitch: self-destructive nature and all that  
Best: hello there  
bongwater69: general kenobi?  
kingbitch: so you can spell that right?  
bongwater69: proirities  
Alice: Anyway…  
Alice: Is Eliot alive?  
Best: …….  
Best: yes  
Best: we had a Talk  
dumbass: she yelled at me  
dumbass: and she threatened me. not in the fun way.  
knifewife: Fun way?  
dumbass: im fine by the way thanks for asking  
kingbitch: good cause i’m going to kick your ass  
dumbass: oh lovely  
Alice: Hey Eliot?  
dumbass: yes alice  
Alice: What the fuck?  
Best: oh shit  
dumbass: look can if you arent going to leave me alone at least let me explain myself  
Bitches: Go ahead  
kingbitch: bitchboy  
dumbass: Look  
dumbass: i know i fucked up  
dumbass: we all know  
dumbass: i cant get into the logistics of my bad decisions because it involves some time travel bullshit that frankly i do not understand  
knifewife: Time travel?  
dumbass: the point is i fucked up and i know it and you know and he knows it  
Best: does he?  
dumbass: probably?  
dumbass: maybe?  
dumbass: okay  
dumbass: i want to fix this obviously  
dumbass: but in case you forgot i was kind of trapped in a monster for a bit there  
dumbass: then i got back and what was i supposed to do?  
dumbass: bring it up right then when we didnt know what was gonna happen?  
Bitches: Honestly, yes?  
dumbass: anyway  
dumbass: i waited for a good moment  
dumbass: and then i kept waiting  
dumbass: and now it’s been two weeks and we’re here  
dumbass: everyone caught up?  
kingbitch: you’re so stupid  
dumbass: okay so we’re all on the same page  
knifewife: Time travel?  
kingbitch: i’ll explain later  
Best: eliot…..  
Bitches: goodbye  
dumbass: please Do Not threaten me  
Alice: Eliot, I say this from the bottom of my heart: fix your shit.

_Alice_ has left the chat.

bongwater69: i have  
bongwater69: questions….  
sadlittlenerd: yeah, so do i.  
kingbitch: oh shit  
Best: hi, q  
bongwater69: actually on second thot

_bongwater69_ has left the chat

sadlittlenerd: so what have you got to say Eliot?  
dumbass: uhhhhhhhhh

_dumbass_ has left the chat

kingbitch: ELIOT  
Bitches: Are you kidding  
Alice: What the fuck.  
sadlittlenerd: alright then…  
Best: wait  
Best: he just left his room  
sadlittlenerd: fantastic.  
Alice: Where is he going?  
kingbitch: this boy better be pussying up  
sadlittlenerd: can you guys just like let this go?  
sadlittlenerd: it’s…  
sadlittlenerd: it’s not even a big deal anymore, honestly.  
sadlittlenerd: he’s probably  
sadlittlenerd: oh??  
Best: ??????  
Best: Q???  
kingbitch: oh?

_sadlittlenerd_ has left the chat

kingbitch: OH????  
Bitches: Julia do you know where Eliot is?  
Best: i have an idea…  
Best: let me check  
knifewife: What happened is Q mad?  
kingbitch: probably  
Best: well they’re definitely fighting ???  
kingbitch: THEY?  
kingbitch: is this dumb bitch really pussying up?  
Best: i mean i didn’t stick around  
Best: but i think so  
kingbitch: thank fuck  
kingbitch: that bitch better fucking tell me everything

 

Dumb Bitch Disease Support Group (2:13 am)

_dumbass_ has changed their name to _plums_  
_sadlittlenerd_ has changed their name to _peaches_

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed (and that it wasn't terrible)! I wrote this at 2am so it might be a disaster but who knows! I promise I'm only mean to these characters out of love...... I'm sorry if this was bad lol


End file.
